“CS ka na” were the words my OB told me. I felt like I failed.
That long hour of labor for nothing? Then I closed my eyes and lifted everything to Him, “Thy will be done, Lord”.
It was not what was on my mind; It was not what I have planned, but I have to trust that His plans are far greater than mine.
I accepted my limit, and it was all what my body could do—fourteen long hours of labor. I surrendered.
“Do your best and God will do the rest,”
My baby came out healthy and well, and that is all that matters.
We all have our limits, and we should not be ashamed of it. Weaknesses can sometimes be our strength. There is strength in letting go and accepting defeat.
I know now that my firstborn was destined to come out of this world through a now scar that remained on my skin.
If we are willing, everything will be fine, Let Go and Let God.
Blessing in Stillness
After my operation, I could not even lift myself up from the bed. Any movement was hard as it took my everything in me and effort to stand up or take that one step. I would rather sleep sitting down that lay in bed. Every time I try, sweat covered my entire body as I lift myself up just to sit to go to the bathroom.
For almost a month I walked as slow as a turtle, or if I had a race with a turtle, the latter would win.
It was not all that bad. Yes, I stayed in one position or one place for a long time, but in that moment of stillness, I learned to breathe, take a step back and slow things down, literally and figuratively. In that slow paced, I learned to appreciate what was around me—every movement that my baby does as he feed on my breast, when my husband puts a pillow on my back or under my arm so I would be comfortable, when my sister or mom asks to carry the baby for me so I could rest. Simple things mattered.
It allowed me to appreciate how God has never really left me, and my family, that somehow, it became a blessing to be in one place, in a slow pace.
Appreciate the phase you are in right now, you may feel stuck, but know that you just have to look around as there is blessing in stillness.
Welcome All the Help
I did not know what I would do without the people who loved and helped me in my journey after our c-birth, from the time the nurse wheeled me to our room to the time I was recovering from my wound.
My mom, sister, and husband were there to lend a helping hand. Even my fellow mommy friends who gave their advice on what to use or what to buy.
I am that type that I can do all this, but this time, I allowed people to help me. It was a blessing to have my mom there to cook our food and wash our clothes. A big help when my sister visits and plays with our little one, which allowed me to take care of myself and do other chores.
It takes a village to raise a child, so welcome all the help offered.
Acknowledge the Feeling
You cannot give what you do not have, take time to take care of yourself.
There were moments when I felt sad, stressed, or even depressed. I was not sure if it was the hormones or something else, but those feelings came.
When I could not figure out what is happening with my child, I get frustrated or when my day does not go according to what I want it to be, it upsets me.
As a first-time-mom, I rely solely on the information I have with other mommies or from my mother.
Experience is the best teacher, and sometime I get to learn things the hard way.
It is ok to feel upset, to feel frustrated and to be sad.
Acknowledge the feeling, take a step back, and once you are okay, return to taking care of your child.
It is okay, completely fine, to let others take care of your little one while you try to calm yourself down.
Acknowledge the feeling and then go back.
You can give more love, more care when you are free from negativity yourself. I cry when I am sad, and when I am frustrated. I accept all those feelings because I feel like it lets me free myself from the bad feelings. Only then I could give my all to my child.
Acknowledge the feeling and for sure you will be okay after.
Time Heals all Wound
When I was young, I love to play outside and inturn I get scrapes and wounds from accidents. Often I let the wound be as I know it would heal itself, and it does after a few months, then only a darkened scar remains.
When I had my C-Birth, it was the first operation I had in all my thirty-plus years of existence. It was also the first time I got admitted to a hospital. Now, it is the largest scar in my body, and it is also one that I am proud of.
It was painful and tough at first. It took an entire year for me to look at it and admire it completely. They say it takes two years for the wound inside the body to heal, and a month from now, my scar would turn two as well.
Truly, time heals all wound, may it be one year, two years or longer, you will get there.