I have this idea in my head, a goal, a plan that I will have a normal delivery. I even prepped my postpartum things for a normal delivery, because I was decided that I am going to deliver this baby normal, if possible without any medication. I still packed a binder though, “just in case” I get a c-section, but I never leaned towards that Idea. I wanted to have a normal spontaneous delivery experience.
This Is It
It was 3 in the morning when I decided to rest after doing some small chores around the house (I did not do much, since it was hard for me to move or stand longer) and shutting down my work laptop. I still have two more days of work till I go on maternity leave. Baby’s due date is still in two weeks but I feel that he is almost here. I already felt the tightening of my stomach but OB said to rest when it happens, so I did. I laid down and closed my eyes to sleep when sudden pain, which I think is contraction, hit me. I tried to brush it off (mind over matter) thinking that it might go away after I rest (maybe I got tired of walking around the house) or maybe not. After a few in and out of pain, I timed it. Most of the time, I would get up to walk out the pain. It was not that painful as I can still manage to walk it off.
Jay on the other hand was doing his usual routine, playing PC game, at this time of hour. I am not sure if he noticed me walking back and fort behind him, but I was, and it went on for up to 6 in the morning.
“Punta na tayo sa ospital (let’s go to the hospital)” I told him after he turned off his computer.
“Manganganak na ata ako (I think I am going to give birth)”
Our bags for the hospital were packed months before. I had it prepared right by the door in case of an emergency. I was surprised we were so calm about it. I was picturing he would panic and leave the house without me (constant joke I tell my friends wahahaha!). I also have a list of items to bring right by the door as well, so we won’t forget anything, but the hospital is 15 minutes away, so no big deal.
Arriving at the hospital, we got lost going to the delivery section. I was the only one allowed inside, and so I went it. I gave the nurse our admission slip and she had me lay down on a small bed. A doctor on duty came and checked, and yep, I was 3 cm, no wonder I was already in pain. But it was not enough for me to get admitted. They needed me to be in 4 cm.
“Balik nalang po kayo after 2 hours or pag masakit na masakit na po (come back after 2 hours or when the pain is unbearable)” she said.
“Kain po muna kayo ng breakfast” she added
“Can I eat a full meal?” I asked
“Yes” she thought about it for a second before answering.
If only I knew that it would be my last meal for the day, I would have gone all out (lol joke not really as I can only fit a small meal with baby inside).
After we had our breakfast, we went back to the hospital. We stayed in the reception area of the hospital and waited for the 2 hrs to pass.
“Uwi nalang kaya muna tayo? (let’s go home?)” I told Jay.
“Wag na, baka kung ano pa mangyari sa inyo ni baby. dito nalang tayo para sure (Let’s stay here to be sure that nothing will happen to you and baby)” He said, and so we stayed. Two and a half hours later, we decided to go back to the delivery room, I was the only one allowed to go inside. They waited for me outside. The doctor checked and I was at 4 cm, and as my OB’s advised, I should be admitted at that stage. I was not sure what will happen next. The nurse instructed me to remove everything and put on the hospital gown. I hesitated, looked back at her, and as if reading my mind, “Yes, everything, I will give them to your husband” she said. I obliged. She then led me to the “labor room”. A room with beds next to each other, separated by long, green curtains.
A nurse came. She explained to me the medicine that they will be injecting, the process and that my OB will arrive later. Jay was processing our admission. I was alone, strapped on the bed listening to my baby’s heartbeat. I waited.
They injected Buscopan (this is to soften my cervix, according to the nurse) and then after a few hours, they gave me Pitocin (oxytocin injection, this is for contraction). I was waiting for the pain, although I was having contraction but tolerable as I was still on my phone chatting with family and friends. After a while, my OB came and asked if I wanted an epidural (an anesthesia so you won’t feel the contraction).
“No, I can still manage the pain.” I told her.
“OK, tell the nurse if you want one. much better if you don’t have one, so you will feel the contraction for you to push” she said and then left after checking that I was doing good. I was alone again. After a few minutes, the pain crept in. I was having stronger contraction and shorter interval. Jay came in and I sighed with relief. I was in pain for more or less four hours. at 7cm, I was asking for the epidural. I thought I would faint. It was an agonizing pain. I felt like I was being sliced in half. I tried to lay on my right side, hoping that it would ease even a little bit of the pain but to no avail. sweat covered my forehead. I would squeeze Jay’s hand, so hard, even my hand hurt from doing it, for every contraction. OB also decided to pop my water bag, which I think added to the pain. And I was not even pushing yet. How painful can this get? I thought. Every part of my body hurts. My back felt like it’s being broken into two. Pressure on my pelvic. Pain from doctors checking how far I am from pushing.
Next thing I know, I was being transferred to the normal delivery room.
I was laying in the most uncomfortable bed I have ever laid on and the smallest as well. One wrong move and I would fall, so I tried to stay still. Thank goodness for the epidural. Looking at the clock, I was nearing the time that the OB gave. 7 o’clock. please!please! I thought as I try to push when Jay tells me to. She gave us up to only 7 o’clock or we will have it the other way. Jay was with me in the room. He was my “nurse” on duty as everyone left while waiting for my cervix to open up. Due to the epidural, I cannot feel the contraction, so he had to look at the monitor and tells me if it’s time for me to push (as per OB’s advised to help my baby go down and hopefully open up my cervix more).
It was past 6 o’clock when they checked me (for the nth time, were I was getting uncomfortable with each check, though I can no longer feel the pain). four oxytocin and four buspcopan injection later, I reached 9cm but upon checking, my baby was still way up there and did not want to come down. We waited. OB checked for the last time but to no avail. She sat down beside me while Jay was above me, holding, caressing my head to comfort me.
“Ayaw bumaba ni baby mo, bumalik ka na sa 7 cm and hindi ka na din nagccontract (your baby is not descending, you’re back to 7 cm, and you are no longer contracting), CS ka na” She said. Her last words broke me. I wanted a normal delivery. I looked up to Jay and then to her.
“Wala naman po akong choice (I do not have any choice)” I said. I closed my eyes. Thy will be done! then tears fell from my eyes. I looked to Jay and told him “Wag mo ko iwan (don’t leave me)” while I was being wheeled away to the operating room. I looked out the room and saw Jay standing there, he was looking at me with worried eyes. He was not allowed to come in. I looked to him for comfort and assurance that I am OK. The anesthesiologist told me to relax.
“Try to sleep” He said. I did not. I was afraid that I might not wake up (the paranoid me). I was not sure what or why but I fought the urge to sleep, although I think I knocked out a few times, but I stayed awake (or tried to).
After a while I was having a hard time breathing.
“I cannot breath, I cannot breath” I told him while gasping for air. I panicked. He was kind enough to check on me.
“You are OK. try to relax” He assured me. I kept quiet while concentrating on my breathing. It was as if my lungs was not cooperating on me or maybe because of the anesthesia, I cannot feel the air coming in, and it was scary.
Finally! Our Baby is here!
Thirty minutes later, I heard the loudest cry. My baby! I felt relief. I saw Jay, then was told to smile for the camera and I did. A sigh of relief. I am OK, we are OK.
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. I heard noises but I did not care anymore, I just wanted to rest. They transferred me to a different bed and was brought to a different room. I opened my eyes for a bit, and saw that I was back to where I started. The green curtained room. I closed my eyes again. I heard beeps and felt a constant tightening on my right arm (BP check). I tried to sleep but sleep avoided me, so I laid there listening to the sound around me. It was around 11 PM when they brought me to our room. I saw my mom, my sister and Jay, all waiting for me but baby was not there yet.
“San si baby? (where is our baby?)” I asked
“Nasa NICU pa, sabi ihahatid na daw (still in the NICU, they said they will bring him in a while)” it was Jay who replied. I saw that they were also excited to see our baby. It would be Grace and Mamang’s first time to see baby as well. I was not able to get a good glimpse of him during delivery as I was groggy from all those medicine, I still am.
At around 12 AM, they brought our baby to our room. The nurse brought him in a bassinet, swaddled and asleep. My first time seeing him.
I did not know that I could love someone this much until I saw my baby for the first time. The first time I laid my eyes on him, it was as if nothing has happened. All the pain, all the worries, 14 hours of labor, and all the struggles were all worth-it ❤. My first thought was I would do anything for this child. It was as if he became my life’s new meaning. My child. My son. My first born.